- Big Ears (I could not eat a second meal with this man knowing that if we were to procreate my unborn daughter would have the chance of looking like Dumbo’s cousin – I’m sorry- see Mia Mommy loves you already!)
- Trust Fund (Great first date Part 1. at a VIP table at the Hampton Classic – shout out to Matt Lauer and family – you can really tell someone’s true character by the way they treat their staff. Part 2 not so much – he took me to Panera – yes that is correct – not Pierre’s, not World Pie, not Bobby Van’s – but Panera the chain – where you order your food ahead of time and then they call your name and you pick it up on a cafeteria tray)
- Gucci Boy (You can work retail and be a straight male right? Ok so maybe he could be gay – but my birthday was coming up and a Gucci bag would have been lovely – keyword would have been – not even a damn discount card ugh)
- Investment Banker (Great on paper; conversation not so much)
- Real Estate Agent (He needed a therapist not a girlfriend – and I wasn’t interested in either job- nor was I in the market for a new house)
- Private School Teacher/Massage Therapist (I can’t even go there right now)
People always ask…. What do you look for in a guy?
My very witty response… Ya know I’m into the uneducated, unemployed, unfaithful types. You?
I’m well educated (graduated with Honors from James Madison University). I’m pretty (its true – if you don’t believe me I’ll send you a 5 x 7). I have a great career in Finance (and luckily I work on Main Street instead of Wall Street). I am a great cook. I love to travel. I have practically perfect straight white teeth. I’m motivated and driven (which in my opinion is almost as important as all my previously mentioned traits). I mean what else do you want in a bubbly twenty something year old. (Alright I may or may not be 5’2″ and a little curvy – but Supermodels were so LY (last year).
I didn’t want to revert to Plan B (not the blue pill you get from CVS after “the condom broke” aka heat of the moment drunken sex.) If I’m not married by (insert age) than I will (insert desperate act here ie. look up my high school bf and/or start dating my best friend)
But I was tired. I was sick of selling myself. I was sick of going on the same first date over and over again. In my mind I’m asking myself do I see myself walking down the aisle with this man. And I’m sure he is asking himself what I look like naked. I questioned myself; Am I being too closed minded? Are my standards too high? How long until I can eat bread again?
Why am I attracted to emotional unavailable cocky assholes? Where are the “normal guys” on a Friday night in the off season? Does this dress make me look fat?
My therapist confirmed I was perfectly fine the way I am. (Phew) And after I worked on some things for myself (Professional Designations, Joined a Gym, etc) with a clear head I took another leap of faith and went back on Match.com.
Thankfully I went on my last first date in December. Moral of the story: it’s not too late. Don’t give up and definitely don’t settle. There is still hope. However there is one less good guy available from Long Island.
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