WHAT PETE THINKS:
“Whatever. Wherever. Whenever. Whoever. However. Who. Cares? All. Wrong.”
About private propertylaws:
“They. Don’t. Exist.”
Being the neighborhood vagabond:
“Where. I. Am. Is. Home.” (THAT explains the VW comments)
THE proper diet:
“Baby. – Carnivore.
TEENager. – OMNIvore.
ADULT. – VEGAN!”
This year, cars stuck several people in Springs. Hell, anyone crossing the street risks his life in summer, and Pete, having lived Here long before automobiles made the mistake of always expecting the Right-of-Way.
By now, his body was attracting the zippy attention of a dozen summer flies. I imagined hearing Pete’s Leary-like incantation, “Think. About. Reality. Act. Accordingly.” With no one in sight (still in shock), I held a quick memorial service, (“Pete, what the hell happened?”), grabbed a shovel and interred him on my property (in possible violation of the law, my dear Diary.)
Am I covering up a Hate Crime when I threw buried him in that
hole grave? I learned from an officer that Pete is on record in New York State as being “threateneD!”
I’VE BEEN FREAKED-OUTALLWEEK thinking about you, Pete, my old, dead-and-buried-on-my-property, tattooed-faced, red-eyed, vegan-hobo friend.
This Saturday, while cleaning the pool skimmer, I found a day-old hatchling, Eastern Box Turtle. He was nearly drowned in this unfavorable location. After he recovered, I took the tiny tot to another property, away from my garden, away from MY private property, to a place more convenient for him to live.
Later I thought, what if this was Pete’s kid?
[Editor’s note: The colorful, Eastern Box Turtle (Terrapene carolina carolina) is considered the only “land turtle” found in New York State. Box Turtles are extremely long-lived, slow to mature, and hibernate underground during winter. If environmental conditions are favorable, Eastern Box Turtles prefer to live in a small area the size of a football field for the entirety of their natural, 100-year + lifespan, and they have relatively few offspring per year. Although dietarily opportunistic, box turtles appear to transform their diets as they age from carnivore to omnivore to vegetarian. These traits, along with the propensity to get hit by cars, make box turtles a species particularly susceptible to human-induced problems.
And, they really do eat mushrooms deemed poisonous to humans, have a colorful face, and never leave the comfort of their VW-like shell.
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