They were a young and sophisticated looking couple in a new and sophisticated modern house. Out of breath and sweaty I told them my story. They offered me a drink. I took a big sip of the scotch on the rocks, my first ever. After a few minutes, the husband offered to drive me back to my empty house. I could come for my bike the next day. I got in the car with my “rescuer” and thanked him profusely. His dog wagged his tail hard against the back seat. I was still thanking him when we got to my place. I got out of the car and so did he. The least I could be was hospitable, for he had saved my life. I took him to the back yard to show him the way the house was situated right on the water and then he did the unthinkable. My rescuer leaned down and kissed me on the lips. What security I felt just minutes before taken in by strangers went the way of the water. From my periphery vision I could see his dog at the waters edge and hear him wail like I had never heard a dog wail before. His tail stuck out upright and out from his anus shot a jet of liquid feces. Thank God for that. The man grabbed the dog and departed into the dark night. I was horrified. I went down to the water to examine what had jutted out of that dog’s ass but it was gone. Instead, eerily, with each step I took, the water lit up. I didn’t know from bioluminescence then and remember it was the 70’s. Was I tripping? Had any of this really even happened? It was getting weirder and weirder. Did the man really kiss me? Was there a dog? Did he really have diarrhea? And what about that water lighting up? Really?!
The next morning I went for my bike to my rescuers house and all was very civil. The ride back up the hill to work felt harder than ever. I got my coffee and stopped in to see my secret lover . I told him the story of what had happened to me and he didn’t blink or show me any sympathy. What he did was invite me out to breakfast. For the first time I got in a car with him, sitting in the front by his side we drove up island to the Candy Kitchen in Bridgehampton. We didn’t talk much, we didn’t eat much. At one point he said, “I feel like I’ve known you for ever” If then had been now I would have known that what he really meant was “I’m going to fuck you and I feel like I’ve been waiting forever”. And so he did. After a short mostly silent breakfast, we drove back to my house, the scene of the crime, and made our way into my bedroom. I must have offered him scramble eggs because I remember he said to me, “No thanks, I want to scramble Your eggs” For years later I replayed that moment and thought that was the sweetest most romantic thing to say even though it made no sense at all. But he did and my brains too as I still to this day remember the way his hard-on looked poking through those sweet turquoise blue bikinis he was wearing and the look in his eyes as he mounted me.
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